Excuses, Excuses
by Fuwa Fuwa Jirai
Summary: Sousuke returns to his apartment disheveled and must come up with an explanation for his appearance.


"What the hell happened to you!?" Mao shouted when he walked in the door.

Looking the worse for wear, Sousuke stared blankly at his rather crowded kitchen table, the tiny piece of furniture not very well equipped to handle more than a single person, let alone three. Frowning, he tried to come up with an explanation, blurting out the first thing that came to mind, "I, uh, I killed a bear."

"A bear?"

"Yes."

"...In Tokyo?" Kurz laughed incredulously.

"Affirmative."

"Where the hell did the bear come from!?"

"Uh, it, er, the KGB."

Kalinin raised a brow curiously, "The KGB employ bears now?"

"Uh, yes, they were starting to when they were training me. I saw them."

"Is that right?"

"Affirmative."

The three stared at him intently, noting all the beads of sweat pouring down his rather scarred and bruised face. His clothes had seen better days and would be in need of some patching, and his hair was rather disheveled. Stiff as a board, Sousuke stared back, trying desperately not to crack under the pressure.

Still disbelieving, Mao drained the can of beer before her, slamming it down so hard that Sousuke twitched. "So... a bear."

"That's right."

"And it was in Kaname's apartment?"

"...I told you. It was trained by the KGB. It must have been there to kidnap her."

"Well, I suppose we should file a formal report then."

"Uhh, no, no, I don't think that will be necessary."

"Proper protocol must be met," Kalinin sipped at his coffee , peering over the mug at the flustered sergeant.

Feeling frantic, Sousuke shook his head emphatically, "No, it's fine, it won't happen again, I'm sure of it. They would not risk losing another of their prized trained bears."

"...I see."

"Yes, er, now, I must, uh, clean up," he all but ran from the room, desperate to escape the inquiries.

Once he was behind closed doors and the sound of running water could be heard, the three turned amused glances at each other. Laughing, Kurz knocked back a cold one before chuckling, raising the can in salute to Sousuke, "You know, it would have been so much easier on him if he just out-right said they were having rough sex."

With the sound of water drowning out his voice, Sousuke opened up his cell phone, frantically trying to get his fingers to hit the right buttons to call up Kaname. "Hello?"

"...Chidori," he was sure he sounded pitiful at that moment and there was nothing he could do to keep the whine out of his voice.

"Sousuke? What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Uh, I think they know."

"Who?"

"Er, Mao, Kurz, and Kalinin."

"...," the silence over the line was ominous.

Swallowing thickly as he felt the cold hand of death on his shoulder, Sousuke rushed to explain, "I didn't know they would be here! I tried to come up with an alibi, but it admittedly wasn't the best..."

"What did you tell them!?"

"...I killed a bear."

"WHAT!? You _idiot!!_"

Wincing, Sousuke held the phone away from his ear as she screamed, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I had to come up with something fast! I had been watching a documentary on the North American Black Bear the other day and it just came out!"

"A bear, Sousuke!? A _bear_!? This is _Tokyo!!_"

"I know! So I told them it was trained by the KGB."

"Are you _insane_!?"

"It sounded good when I said it!"

"Dammit, Sousuke!"

"Next time don't scratch my face at least!"

"_What_!? Don't you _dare_ blame this on me!"

* * *

Walking into class, bandages covering his face, Sousuke took his seat apprehensively, a frown on his face when Kaname ignored him, taking up her own spot without so much as glancing in his direction. Shinji and Kyouko looked between the two, and Shinji leaned over his chair to look more closely at his friend, "Hey, Sagara-kun, what happened?"

"Uh...," afraid to answer that question anymore, Sousuke gulped and shook his head.

Tossing her hair over her shoulder, Kaname turned around and spoke up in an annoyed voice, "Oh, go right ahead, tell them about your fight with those _evil_ KGBears."

Cocking his head to the side, Shinji thought about it for a moment, confused, "The KGB... employs bears?" Kaname buried her face in her hands, shaking her head, the motion unnoticed by Shinji as the boy enthusiastically turned to Sousuke again, "Is that really true?"

_BANG!_

There was sure to be a crack left in the desk from just how hard Sousuke's head had connected with its surface.


End file.
